I came home from work today, went into my bathroom, changed clothes, talked to the cat, went to wash my hands and found a DEAD BAT IN THE SINK!!!
I maybe freaked out for .25 of a second before taking a photo with my phone. I assumed the cat had left it there, but she’s never done that before, and wasn’t showing any indication of having brought me a present or knowing it was there. So I looked closer, and it really didn’t look dead…but I couldn’t believe a live healthy bat would be sleeping in my sink.
So I messaged everyone in all caps: THERE IS A DEAD BAT IN MY SINK!!!!. Then tried to figure out what to do. It turns out that animal control is not who you call. But *I* didn’t want to touch it because rabies. I don’t have any gloves, and somehow I also lack a butterfly net.
But how did it get in anyway? I checked all the doors and windows and chimney, and narrowed it down to the bathroom ceiling vent fan, which I had had running in the morning while showering (oh thank goodness he didn’t come in while I was showering). This train of thought led me to wonder if he’d slipped through it on purpose looking for a way out of the attic, and then I let myself remember that the black dots near him in the sink weren’t parts of his wings, but poop. And I realized that my first second and third thought had been that he looked really alive, but I’d convinced myself he was dead because he wasn’t moving even while I was using the bathroom and petting the cat and otherwise unaware of his presence.
I went in to check, and he was facing the other way! Then an ear twitched. I messaged everyone in all caps again: BAT NOT DEAD!!!
I opened the bathroom window and closed the door and thought about it, then went to pick up my son from camp, then came back, and and borrowed gloves and a fishing net from the neighbors. They have everything.
The little bat clicked at me, and then when my hand touched him he hissed and tried to look really fierce. He failed at that miserably…I mean, spreading his wings startled me but his wee tiny hissy face was actually just adorbs. I tapped the leading edge of each wing gently and he folded them up and settled into my hand. He’s just a baby.
If I had Google Glass you’d have video of this procedure and his cute little face.
I took him over and showed the neighbors (and my son who had stayed there, then deposited him in the spruce next to the porch. The hose drips behind it for water and the front porch is a bug buffet. He’s a little brown bat
with pointy pointy teeth. When I was trying to get him into the tree, it became clear that he doesn’t know how to latch on. I showed him how to hook his claws around the branch and hang, and he seemed to get it…then crawled back into my hand. Eventually I think I convinced him (he is now named Stellaluna) that I’m not his mother, and I left him sleeping off the excitement in the spruce.
And I’m disinfecting the sink. And throwing out my toothbrush just in case.
And checking the attic to see if there’s a colony up there.
In conclusion, no bites, no rabies, and no superpowers.
Edited to add: My friend Fran points out that because I couldn’t tell if he was dead or alive until I really looked at him, his name should be Schroedinger’s Bat. So he is now Schroedie.